Sport Box

Archive - December 2014

Team New Zealand: Bermuda Triangle means we can escape the shame of losing


Team New Zealand have expressed their relief at the announcement of Bermuda as the next venue for the America’s Cup regatta, noting that the Bermuda Triangle gives them the perfect escape after blowing an 8 – 1 lead.

“Look, regardless of the financial implications of this venue announcement, the fact that we can take our boat and get lost in the Triangle rather than coming home to admit we were choking when we blow an 8 – 1 lead is hugely exciting for the team,” said Team New Zealand boss Grant Dalton.

“All we have to do is say that a strange mist descended on the deck of our boat and our crew weren’t sure which way to sail, I mean nobody can blame us for that, can they? Well, they’ll never see us again, so they definitely can’t!”

America’s Cup holders Oracle defended the decision to choose Bermuda, saying that the effects of the Triangle would add an extra element of excitement to the 2017 regatta.

“Having strange magnetic fields play havoc with compasses, water spouts appear out of no where, creepy radio chatter from lost warplanes, and alien abductions will all just add to the uniqueness of America’s Cup races,” said Oracle Team USA CEO Russell Coutts.

“And if a few challengers boats just disappear off the face of the earth while we’re at it, it’s both good for TV ratings and increases our chances or retaining the Auld Mug, which is what this is all about anyway.”