The New Zealand rugby world has been shocked today by the admission from All Blacks’ captain Richie McCaw that he cheats while playing in Canterbury colours.
Speaking at a hastily called press conference by his Super Rugby team, the Crusaders, McCaw said he wanted to set the record straight. “What people from Auckland and Wellington have long suspected is true,” said a sullen looking McCaw, “I don’t just push the boundaries of the breakdown law when I’m playing for Canterbury or the Crusaders, I aim to cheat at every single ruck I encounter.”
“Whether it’s putting my hands in the ruck in, or taking my sweet time to roll away, I constantly cheat to ensure that my team gets the maximum possible advantage,” continued McCaw. “I always know the refs are going to give me the benefit of the doubt because I’m Richie McCaw, so I take advantage of that and cheat to my heart’s delight.”
Crusaders management, who were unaware that McCaw was going to make the admission, were instantly on the defensive. “Look, Richie has said what he’s said, and at the end of the day, he’s the All Blacks’ captain so he can do no wrong in our eyes.”
When asked that, given he plays the same way in the All Blacks as he does for Canterbury, if that meant he was cheating when wearing the black jersey, McCaw was quick to deny any wrong doing. “What, no, of course not. What I do is clearly legal when I’m playing for the All Blacks. It might look the same, but it’s not, honestly, don’t be stupid!”