Sport Box

Archive - July 2016

Co-worker insufferable after winning Super Rugby picking competition

gavin

Reports are coming in that Wellington office worker Gavin Connelly is completely insufferable this week after coming first in his work place’s Super Rugby picking competition. Gavin’s co-workers allege that he hasn’t shut up about his victory for the past two days, and they just really want him to shut the hell up.

Gavin’s obnoxious attitude started on Friday when he realised that he was within reach of obtaining an unassailable lead over his closest rival if he got his picks right over the weekend. As a result, he spent all of that day strutting around the office reminding the rest of his team of the position he was in on the ladder and how the pressure was all on Bess from Accounts to try and make up the gap.

Having already burnt through all his goodwill then, as well as loudly proclaiming his picks for everyone to hear (which they didn’t) Gavin then sent an email to everyone in the picking competition at 12pm on Sunday immediately after the Jaguares vs Lions game to point out that mathematically there was no way anyone could chase down his lead in the post-season.

This was followed up on Monday by Gavin hitting reply all to the official email from the competition organiser, announcing Gavin’s victory, where Gavin showed a complete lack of class by joking that he was “available to help with all your sport betting needs, for a small price.”

Mr Connelly then proceeded to lord his victory around the office at every opportunity, including interrupting Monday’s team meeting just to remind everyone of his victory.

“Sure, good on him for winning,” said Bess from Accounts, “He did really well to wrap up the competition three weeks early and he’s entitled to a little celebration, but now we’ve got to put up with him riding this pony for the rest of the year. I really just wish he’d shut the hell up already.”

Gavin was unavailable for comment other than pointing out how he had to go post about his win to all his friends on Facebook.

Hurricanes fans happy, but awaiting inevitable choke

Dane Coles

Long-suffering Hurricanes fans have allowed themselves the briefest moments of joy this weekend as their team somehow finished as minor premiers of the 2016 Super Rugby season, before they return to anticipating the inevitable choke that comes with the Hurricanes and post-season rugby.

After an odd Saturday evening where the Hurricanes thrashed a typically hapless Crusaders side, forcing Hurricanes fans into the uncomfortable and complicated situation of both cheering for the Highlanders, but not too much as to ensure they didn’t get a bonus point try during their clash for the Chiefs, they awoke from their post-match hangovers around 1pm to discover that the Hurricanes were on top of the table.

While they were pleasantly surprised with the result, having previously written off the 2016 campaign after the embarrassing loss to the Brumbies in round one, Hurricanes fans spoken to by Sportbox have calmed down from their weekend high and are now coming to terms with the unrelenting advance of fate.

“It’s great and all being top of the table and getting a home quarter final,” said often-quoted Hurricanes fan Callum Webb, “but it’s important to be realistic. Even if we win this weekend, and even the weekend following that, we’re just delaying the inevitable – we’re going to choke when it counts and we’ll still be the only New Zealand franchise without a title.

“After so many seasons, with so many disappointments, it’s just easier to consign this post-season to the dustbin rather than expending vital energy and warmth on getting excited about it.”

Mr Webb was clearly already moving on from the Hurricanes impending loss as he tried to move the conversation to new topics.

“Anyway, wouldn’t you rather talk about our amazing cafe per capita ratio? Or maybe some of the great craft breweries we have dotted around the city? Or what about that one, single calm and sunny day back in February that caused us all to post photos and claim that you can’t beat Wellington on a good day?”