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Raikkonen promises not to upset Alonso

Kimi Raikkonen

2007 Formula 1 world champion Kimi Raikkonen has been announced as Ferrari’s replacement driver for departing Brazilian Felipe Massa today after the Finn signed a contract where he promised not to upset Fernando Alonso.

Raikkonen, who’s been looking for a new team after a difficult two years with Lotus, confirmed that the deal was done with Ferrari after the Finn agreed to keep his mouth shut in order not to impinge on Alonso’s ego.

“It was easy to agree to,” Raikkonen told reporters in Italy today. “I prefer to let my driving do the talking.” Raikkonen then proceeded to get in a car and drive away, telling reporters as he left to just “leave me alone, I know how to win.”

Alonso is reportedly “thrilled” by the decision to sign Raikkonen, especially that the Finn has agreed not to impinge on Alonso’s self-importance.

“It’s a huge signing for the team,” Alonso said after Raikkonen’s unexpected departure from the press conference. “It’ll be nice to have a driver in the other car who doesn’t want to talk to me. I hated how Felipe wanted to be my friend. It just made things awkward when we made him give me a slipstream in qualifying or to let me pass in the race. He’d always go and act like I owed him something afterwards. At least with Kimi, he won’t say a damned thing.”

Meanwhile in Woking, McLaren have confirmed that their 2014 car will be replaced by Jenson Button attempting to compete in the Grand Prixes as a triathlete, “Chances are that having Jenson swim, cycle then run the tracks will still be more competitive than any car we’re likely to build.


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