New Zealand’s media are reported to be devastated today that they will need to return to work ahead of schedule following Oracle Team USA’s come-from-behind victory in the 34th America’s Cup. Having enjoyed two weeks of running the same, alternating stories of postponed racing and Oracle winning again, many journalists are said to be unsure whether they still remember how to do their jobs.
“I haven’t had to cover a single game of oval ball running in two weeks” said TV3 rugby reporter Jim Kayes. “Now that the America’s Cup is over, I’m not sure if I remember the rules anymore. I mean, they were confusing enough before hand, but now that I’ve been away from it for two weeks, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it again.”
The impact stretched beyond sports journalists too as mainstream news journalists faced up to the realisation that they might need to start reporting on actual news events again. “I’m just shell shocked,” said TVNZ’s Sunday reporter Peter Cronshaw. “My editor called me up this morning and said I had to go do a story on the situation in Syria. I didn’t realise Syria had a boat in the America’s Cup, I just don’t know what to do, doesn’t my editor realise what’s happening to our $34 million dollar investment in Emirates Team UAE?”
Meanwhile newspaper subeditors are rumoured to be starring blankly at their screens as they come to the stark realisation that all their good sport choking puns were used up at the 1999, 2003 and 2007 Rugby World Cups.
However at least one person in the news media is apparently celebrating, with TVNZ yachting commentator Martin Tasker posting on Twitter today that he’d “finally get to bang that Jewish woman after all” now that the America’s Cup was over.