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Snedden bans hair replacement ads in cricket culture change


Less than a week after being reappointed to the New Zealand Cricket Board, former test cricket Martin Snedden has already started to deliver on his promise to repair the organisation’s battered image.

In his first press conference since rejoining the Board, Snedden said he had been quick to act on the top priority areas that he’d identified for turning around things at the sport’s governing body. “In our first Board meeting I made several significant executive decision,” Snedden said. “First of all, when they served us up Oreo cookies with our morning tea I ordered the caterers to take it all away and only return when they had gone out and bought us some good, Kiwi dunking biscuits, like Anzacs, Afghans or Tiny Teddies.

“Then, at lunch, they served up those hideous asparagus rolls that nobody eats at funerals,” Snedden continued. “I made them leave a few for Sir Richard (Hadlee) as they seemed to be the only thing his fragile teeth could chew, but then I forced them to replace the rest with some New Wave sausage rolls from the local Countdown.”

Defending his focus on the standard of New Zealand Cricket’s catering, Snedden pointed out that “us Board members are like athletes. If you put rubbish fuel in, you’ll get rubbish results out.”

Snedden went on to elaborate on several other important culture changes he’d already managed to implement at the Board including, “Making sure no one refers to Stephen Fleming as ‘Fujitsu Guy’ and stopping Martin Crowe from trying to get current players to appear in ad campaigns for hair replacement treatments.”

However the high power Board member conceded that there was still plenty of work to be done at the organisation, “Next on my list is getting Sir Richard to stop trying to sell us BNZ bank accounts as he doesn’t seem to have noticed that we’ve changed sponsoring banks twice since then” and that “at some point we might think about trying to address the poor performance of coach Mike Hesson once he stops sending us mean texts.”

When asked whether Snedden had any plans for trying to improve the number of children playing cricket, he replied no, but that “we can always pick up the rejects Australia doesn’t want if no one here wants to play.”

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