Following their 30 – 22 defeat by the All Blacks at the weekend, England coach Stuart Lancaster has blamed the result on the failure of the titular Mitsubishi Chariot from the team’s official anthem, “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” to make it to Twickenham on time due to traffic on London’s M25 oribital motorway.
“It’s hugely disappointing that our Mitsubishi Chariot couldn’t make it to the game,” a dejected looking Lancaster said at the post-match press conference on Saturday evening. “But due to there being perpetual roadworks along the length of the M25, the Chariot didn’t arrive at the grounds until an hour after the final whistle.”
“What makes it even more galling is that all our fans were signing for the Chariot because they knew it should have been there,” Lancaster said. “They’d have loved the sight of 1.1 tons of Japanese assembled automobile ripping around the park, running down All Blacks at will.
“Hell, I’d have told the driver to go after Julian Savea first if he’d been able to make it on time,” Lancaster added, “Because it’s bloody clear nobody else in our team was bothering about stopping him.”
After the press conference, reporters located the Mitsubishi Chariot in Twickenham’s carpark with The Times rugby correspondent and frequent All Blacks’ critic Stephen Jones visibly drunk behind the wheel. Jones, who refused to wind down the vehicle’s windows when approached, shouted at journalists through the glass that he “wasn’t coming out until someone tells me that England’s inability to beat the All Blacks was all just a bad dream.”
At the time of writing Stephen Jones was still inside the van some 36 hours after the final whistle.