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Herbert chains self to stadium, refuses to stand down as All Whites coach

ricki herbert

All Whites coach Ricki Herbert has chained himself to the railings of Westpac Stadium in Welilngton overnight in an apparent attempt to remain as head of the national football side. Herbert appears to have taken the action immediately after the final whistle where the All Whites lost 4 – 2 against a dominant Mexican side, and is currently in a standoff with stadium security.

“I took you to the 2010 World Cup,” a visibly distressed Herbert shouted as security first approached. “A World Cup, doesn’t that mean anything to any of you?”

The standoff continued throughout the night, with Herbert desperately trying to list his various achievements to anyone who would listen.

“Don’t you remember the games against Bahrain? We drew, then we won. We won! I coached that, me!” Herbert said before adding, “And the Phoenix, remember them? I took us to the minor final, we finished third overall in 2009-10, third. It was so exciting, we had such big crowds, you all love me. There was talk of a knighthood.”

“Where’s my knighthood John Key?” Herbert said before he collapsed into a sobbing heap.

New Zealand Football Chairman Frank van Hattum was unavailable for comment last night, largely due to the fact that no journalist could rouse him from his comatose state on the Westpac Stadium concourse. However All Whites stand-in Captain, Tommy Smith, was more circumspect on Herbert’s actions.

“Let him keep calling himself All Whites coach if he wants,” Smith said. “It’s not like it’ll make much of a difference. We never really listened to anything he said anyway.”

Updated: Westpac Stadium have confirmed Herbert remains chained in the stadium.


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