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United Nations to deploy peacekeepers for Adelaide Ashes test

UN peacekeepers

Meeting in an urgent session, the United Nations Security Council has agreed to deploy an international peacekeeping force to the Adelaide Oval in an effort to defuse tensions between the two cricket sides after Australian Captain Michael Clarke and English bowler James Anderson clashed last week.

UN Secretary General Ban-ki Moon welcomed the move, after last minute negotiations by US Secretary of State John Kerry, fresh from securing a historic deal with Iran on its nuclear ambitions, failed to move Australia and England back from the brick of all out conflict.

“This is a positive step forward for reducing tensions in this volatile conflict,” Mr Moon said after the successful vote. “Obviously, there was a significant risk of the sledging that occurred between Australia and England to escalate into a full blown physical conflict, and it is encouraging to see the international community taking cooperative action to prevent that happening.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron, who brought the resolution for peacekeepers to the Security Council, said that he was pleased the world had stepped in to defend England.

“Obviously the deplorable psychological warfare tactics used by those unruly convicts in Australia during the Battle of Brisbane were just as abhorrent to the Chinese and Russians as they were to us, and that’s really saying something,” Mr Cameron said.

For their part, the Australians appear resigned to accepting the presence of the multi-national task force to keep the teams from coming to blows. Though in what appeared to be a veiled threat, Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott wouldn’t rule out taking retaliatory action in the form of random drone strikes with his United States allies in the return 2015 series if England “continues to be a bunch of hypocritical, hypersensitive wankers.”

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