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Brockie: “Calling me a striker is a bit of a stretch”

A-League Rd 1 - Wellington v Sydney FC

Under fire Wellington Phoenix striker Jeremy Brockie has conceded that continuing to describe himself as a striker might be stretching the truth about his footballing abilities, following his missing of what should have been an easy tap in with an empty goal in front of him against the Brisbane Roar on Saturday night.

“It really was a shocker, wasn’t it?” said Brockie, who blasted the ball high after finding it at his feet with an unguarded goal ahead following Stein Huysegem shot that was parried by Roar goal keeper Michael Theo. “I mean, all I had to do was tap the ball in. Hell, I could have dribbled the ball in, just like they teach kids in age grade stuff. But instead I just smashed that ball. I saw it in front of me and was like bam!”

“It’s made me do a lot of thinking about the position I choose to play in football,” continued Brockie. “I mean it can’t be any coincidence that along with missing that absolute sitter, I’ve also gone 42 international games for the All Whites without scoring a goal. That’s got to be some sort of record, surely? We basically just play Fiji, New Caledonia and the Solomon Islands, how can I not be scoring against them when everyone else is?”

“Sure, I’ve got the ridiculous haircut, but is that really enough to call yourself a striker anymore? Calling me a striker is a bit of a stretch really isn’t it?”

When asked what caused him to try and make himself a striker in the first place, Brockie was quick to place the blame on “that whole bloody ‘well done for participating’ culture we have in this country. Maybe if someone had stopped the 10 year old me and said ‘Hey, Jeremy, you’re a bit shit at this whole football thing. Maybe you should carry the water?’ it could have saved us all a bit of embarrassment.”

Brockie was able about to take some consolation from his miss however, pointing out that “On the bright side, I’m not the first guy at Christmas time who’s seen the goal open before him and sprayed his shot high.”

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