Following their defeat at the WACA, a result that saw Australia claim back the Ashes 3 – 0, the England cricket team have been swallowed up by one of the cracks in the WACA pitch. So far no one from the England Cricket Board has requested that any rescue attempt be made.
The incident occurred as the English cricketers made their way out to the pitch to congratulate Australia on winning back the Ashes in such a dominant fashion. As the English players lined up on the pitch to shake the Australian player’s hands, one of the substantial cracks on the pitch abruptly opened up, causing the entire England squad to fall backwards into what appeared to be a bottomless abyss. Australian paceman Mitchell Johnson, who was first on the scene, threw the match ball down the crevasse in the hops that his lethal radar might allow the ball to find and injure yet another English batsman, thus eliciting a response, however none was heard.
“I guess it’s sort of a metaphor for the way this Ashes series played out,” said Wide World of Sports commentator and turn-coat Englishman, Mark Nicholas. “I mean it doesn’t really get more emphatic than that. As those cracks opened up on just the second day, they swallowed the hopes, dreams and three years of arrogance of an entire nation. On reflection, it’s somewhat poetic that one of those cracks should claim the team’s lives too.”
Other prominent England supporters took the loss of their side far differently. On Twitter, news personality Piers Morgan slammed the team’s performance saying, “If that crack hadn’t of swallowed them, I’d been the bloody first to push them in.” Comedian Stephen Fry was somewhat darker, tweeting “The irony of it all is that this means that Trott was the lucky one.”
When Cricket Australia initially offered to lower a ladder into the crack to see if the England side could be found, coach Andy Flower replied “What’s the point? They’re dead to me now. I’d have more of a chance coaching New Zealand to some form of cricketing respectability than achieving anything with that inept team.”