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McLaren to grow clone of Ayrton Senna

Ayrton Senna

Following the sacking of Team Principal Martin Whitmarsh and the return of Ron Dennis to running the Formula 1 team, McLaren have announced an ambitious plan to resurrect the late, great Ayrton Senna in an effort to restore the team to its past glories.

Speaking shortly after McLaren failed to run its new 2014 specification MP4-29 car at the pre-season Jerez test due to electrical issues, team boss Ron Dennis said that it was clear the team needed to take desperate steps to return to the winner’s circle.

“Given the absolute shambles that McLaren finds itself in, it’s pretty clear that the current generation of drivers and staff we have are pretty useless,” admitted Dennis on Tuesday. “So along with rolling back the clock at McLaren by having me return from the wilderness, we thought we may as well go the whole hog and bring Senna back from the dead too.”

The plan will involve the team collecting DNA samples from all of Senna’s surviving relatives and using them to complete a genome based on DNA analysis of Senna’s corpse. From there, an embryo will be carefully grown at the McLaren Technology Centre in Woking until it can be implanted into a surrogate.

“Once Senna II is born, we’ll obviously subject the child to a rigorous training programme to make the most of their natural talent for motorsport and imbue in them an eternal sense of gratitude and loyalty to the team,” said Dennis before adding, “Unlike that ungrateful little shit, Lewis whatever his name is.”

Dennis has remained coy on whether McLaren will try and clone other members of the 1988-1991 era of McLaren dominance, such as Alain Prost, to work with their Senna clone, though he hinted that he wasn’t adverse to kidnapping Adrian Newey by force from rivals Red Bull. “It’d make sense wouldn’t it? He designed Mika Häkkinen a pretty useful car under my leadership, and I’m pretty sure he still owes McLaren a year’s work after he abandoned us in 2006 to go to Red Bull after he pinky swore he’d stay.”

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