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McCullum finds triple-century removes Taylor’s bloodstains

brendon mccullum

Following scoring his record breaking batting exploits over the past few days, Blackcap’s skipper Brendon McCullum has revealed that scoring his triple-century also had the added benefit of removing the bloodstains left on his clothes following his backstabbing of former captain Ross Taylor.

“I’d tried everything,” McCullum told reporters in the Blackcap’s changing room after the match, “Napisan, Friend Oxy-Action, baking soda – even spitting on the stains – but none of them worked. I still had several large splatters of blood over my uniform from where Ross Taylor’s blood sprayed on me as I twisted, then removed the knife from his back.

“However as soon as I came back into the changing rooms after being dismissed for 302, all the stains were gone – as if by magic,” McCullum said. “It’s really quite remarkable. At first I didn’t believe it, but as I rummaged through my kit bag and checked my clothes, all the blood stains were gone. I’m pretty sure not even CSI Miami could find traces of my treachery now.”

Blackcap’s coach Mike Hesson expressed his relief for his captain.

“You can’t imagine my relief when Brendon told me that the final piece of evidence relating to the crime was gone. We all know that blood is even harder than red wine to remove from fabrics so we always knew it’d take something special to dissolve the sheer quantities of Taylor’s blood involved,” Hesson said.

“I’m obviously extremely happy that Brendon can now join me in enjoying a guilt free existence after the events of that night. After all, there’s absolutely no evidence linking me to rumours that I was the guy who hid behind Ross Taylor’s hotel curtains with the chloroform.”

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