Shortly after setting the internet alight with a spectacular one-handed, sliding catch at the recent Otago Volts vs Wellington Firebirds Georgie Pie Super Smash match, spectator Andrew McCulloch has been handed a Blackcaps contract and called into the squad for the second test in the United Arab Emirates against Pakistan as the team tries to address their general inability to play cricket.
“The move just makes sense,” said Blackcaps’ coach Mike Hesson from Dubai this morning. “The kid clearly has more talent and a better skill set than the entire New Zealand cricket team put together, so we basically had to sign him before Ireland did.”
Blackcaps’ skipper Brendon McCullum was equally as enthusiastic about the signing, “Yeah, we try and motivate our guys to play decently by paying them $5000 a day and look what we get? That this kid, who wasn’t being paid at all, could achieve what our team – with all its coaches, practice sessions and supposed talent – couldn’t manage, must mean he’s pretty special.
For his part, McCulloch hasn’t been overwhelmed by his meteoric rise to stardom. “All I was trying to do was impress my girlfriend,” he said in an exclusive interview, “so I just reacted and made the catch. I guess it’s just the basic kind of skills you’d think most cricketers would possess, but Hesson assured me that it wasn’t, so I took up the offer.
“Admittedly, given the way the rest of the Blackcaps are playing, I’m just hoping that I don’t get dragged down to their poor standards, as the girlfriend won’t be quite as impressed then,” added McCulloch.