Sport Box

Dan Carter arrested after police raid finds voodoo doll of Aaron Cruden

aaron cruden

Crusader Dan Carter has been arrested by police following a raid on his Auckland home that uncovered a voodoo doll of his rival for the All Blacks, Chief’s fly half Aaron Cruden.

The voodoo doll of Cruden, who has been ruled out for up to six months after rupturing the anterior cruciate ligament in his left knee, was reportedly found with a hammer resting on its own left knee, raising suspicions that Carter may have used foul play to keep the man who used to be his understudy out of the All Blacks’ Rugby World Cup squad.

“It’s obviously early days, but we’re fully supportive of the police investigation,” said All Blacks’ coach Steve Hansen this morning. “We were aware that Dan had been acting strangely around Cruden during All Blacks camps, including following him to the barbers, digging up his dead relatives, but we’d put it all down to team shenanigans and high jinks.

“Clearly, in light of injuries to other first fives over the past few years, we’re assisting police in tracking Dan’s movements over an extended period of time to see if his voodoo powers may have been involved in any of their injuries.” Hansen continued.

Police are also rumoured to have discovered the decapitated body of a horse in the boot of Dan Carter’s car, though they have yet to comment whether this horse may be connected to the recently absent Crusader mascot horse “Blinky” who has been missing from Crusader’s home games this season.

Carter’s other rival, Hurricane’s fly half Beauden Barrett, wouldn’t comment on the possibility that Carter was attempting to curse his health. “I honestly don’t know,” said Barrett, “I mean some days you wake up and there’s a severed horse head in the bed next to you and it makes you wonder, but I’m too busy avoiding ladders and black cats to worry about that sort of thing.”

Rugby World Cup 2011 hero Stephen Donald has responded to the news by repeatedly posting photos of him with the Webb Ellis trophy on social media.

About author View all posts

Editor