Outgoing FIFA President Sepp Blatter is no longer outgoing, after he announced that he has taken back his resignation after no one in the entire organisation said “No backsies” after he handed in his resignation letter.
“It’s a very big slip up by my opponents,” said Blatter via video link from a luxury condo in Doha, Qatar. “Nobody said no backsies, so I could take back my resignation any time I liked. This is very amateur stuff.”
FIFA Secretary General Jerome Valcke put down several large brown paper bags after he was door-stopped leaving a Swiss bank to admit there was nothing the organisation could do to stop Blatter’s unresignation, “FIFA law is very clear on this, to stop a President from being able to take back their resignation someone on the Executive Committee has to shout ‘NO BACKSIES’ loud enough so that Jack Warner can hear it in Trinidad and Tobago, but in this case no one did, so Sepp is back.”
For his part, Blatter said he had been treated very well by is Qatari hosts who, “offered me a free luxury holiday to relieve me of the great pressures I have been facing for the past few weeks.”
Blatter has not confirmed when his unresignation will be ratified by FIFA, but confirmed that “football development grants” to CONCACAF were being made “speed the process up.”