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Super League Darts’ competitors to neck pints before playing

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In order to ensure the star players in the upcoming Super League Darts competition at SkyCity from 10 July are in top form for punters, organisers have confirmed that all players will be drinking heavily before taking the stage at the event.

“All of us know that you’re better at everything after a few drinks at the pub,” said a Super League Darts spokeperson. “Whether it’s playing pool, discovering you know how to break dance, or throwing darts, it’s scientifically proven that after you’ve downed at least a couple of pints your ability to do these things markedly improves.

“That’s why we’re ensuring that our eight top New Zealand darts players will be imbuing themselves with Lion Red for at least two hours before stepping out on Friday night, because as seasoned darts players, they know that being slightly tipsy might be exactly the advantage they need to bring home the title.”

On hearing this, Sportbox approached one of the players directly for their insight onto this unique match preparation.

“Oh yeah, it definitely helps,” said Mick ‘The Lone Wolf’ Lacey, one of the rising stars of darts in New Zealand. “I was playing shit until I necked a couple of pints before each match, then suddenly I’m on fire, banging in 180s all night long. I’d always been a pool shark on a Friday night after a few beers, so I thought I’d try it out with my professional darts too, and it bloody well worked.”

Lacey was quick to point out that only beer could deliver the needed performance boost, “But only beer. Wine and spirits just don’t do it, only beer provides that winning edge.”

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