ADIDAS have revealed the new All Blacks’ Rugby World Cup jersey today, with the jersey to be made from a revolution new synthetic material that has been infused with tears of impotence from Wallabies players.
“Infusing the new All Blacks’ jersey with tears collected from Wallabies players over the past decade will help inoculate the All Blacks from mediocrity as they set out to defend their title as world champions,” said New Zealand Rugby Union CEO Steve Tew. “It’s like vaccinating them against being crap.”
All Blacks’ captain Richie McCaw said while dropping their standards was seldom an issue for the side, “It’s not worth taking chances over. Having something like this will protect us from being infected with the ineptitude that has reached plague like proportions across the Tasman.”
Steve Tew also confirmed that each of the new All Blacks’ jerseys includes fibres made from the shredded cash of All Blacks’ fans. “Our partners ADIDAS know that All Blacks’ supporters are concerned by the high costs of each season’s new All Blacks’ apparel, so we wanted to demonstrate that their cash isn’t going to waste. Each jersey is made with the fibres of two $100 notes, meaning that fans can rest assured they’re getting value for money this season.”