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Kindling prices plummet as Hurricanes fans burn jerseys

clothing burning

The price of kindling for fire places has plummeted overnight in Wellington as dejected Hurricanes fans burnt their jerseys following Saturday night’s embarrassing loss to the Highlanders.

“Enough is enough,” said Cameron Webster of Mt Victoria. “The Hurricanes have gotten my hopes up far too often. Between their perpetual inability to deliver titles, Beauden Barrett’s lack of goal kicking accuracy, and TMO meddling, I’m giving up on the Hurricanes.”

Throughout the city on Sunday chimneys could be seen spilling out noxious yellow vapours of disappointment and resentment as Hurricanes fans burned their jerseys en mass.

“They kept promising me they’d change, but they never did,” said Lauren Williams of Thorndon. “I just kept giving them second chances, I wanted to believe their words, but enough is enough. I’m breaking it off with the Hurricanes, permanently.”

Wellington Free Ambulance were forced to respond to several incidents where Hurricanes fans found themselves unable to function as human beings following the loss. One fan, Edith Holland, was reported to have been picked up by paramedics some three hours after the final whistle after she was found curled up in a foetal position underneath the seats at the Caketin, softly chanting to herself “Hurricanes, cha cha cha, Hurricanes”.

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