Sport Box

Samoans promise not to break too many All Blacks


The Samoan Rugby team has signed a contract with the New Zealand Rugby Union promising to injury no more than four All Blacks in today’s game in Apia.

The Samoans are welcome to injure four players, so long as none of them are Richie McCaw, Dan Carter or Kieran Read, during today’s match, ensuring that the All Blacks depth won’t be impacted too heavily prior to the Rugby World Cup.

“We know that the Samoan’s like to play hard, fast, and physical rugby,” said All Blacks coach Steve Hansen, “and obviously as a bunch of latte drinking first world types, we’re not used to that type of intensity, so as part of the deal for us to play in Apia, we forced the Samoan Rugby Union to sign an undertaking that they would go a bit easier on our guys in the tackles.”

For their part, the Samoans welcomed the non-injury contract.

“We were more than happy to promise not to break too many of their precious All Blacks,” said Samoa’s coach Stephen Betham. “It’s good to know that the All Blacks are scared of coming here, it just confirms what we already knew – that their fear was the whole reason why they’ve never played here before.”

Former TV3 broadcaster John Campbell, who helped make this game happen, seemed nonplussed about the contractual obligations.

“Marvelous,” said Campbell.

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