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New Zealand hospitals prepare for four yearly epidemic of Expectation overdoses

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Hospital emergency departments around New Zealand have been put on alert for the four yearly Expectation overdose epidemic, stocking up on the only known treatment for it, servings of Humble Pie.

“Overdosing on Expectation is a huge problem for New Zealand, and the epidemic usually works in a four year cycle, though having not surfaced in 2011, we’re expecting it to be even worse than ever.” said Auckland Hospital spokesperson Suzie Choka this morning.

“We generally find that after imbuing themselves with dangerous levels of Expectation, should users experience a major let down in their lives, it can place them in an almost zombie like state for up to 72 hours, as well as rendering them incapable of watching or playing a certain sport for anywhere between four and 24 years., “Ms Choka said.

“In anticipation of this year’s Expectation epidemic, we’ve received instructions from the Ministry of Health that hospitals should ensure they have large stockpiles of Humble Pie on hand, which will be served to people admitted to our EDs having overdosed on Expectation.”

Ms Chocka said that if left untreated, an Expectation overdose could lead to particularly nasty symptoms such as bitterness, recriminations, cynicism, and denial.

“New Zealand is one of a handful of countries, including England and Brazil, that has millions of cases of Expectation overdoses every four years, with England and Brazil’s epidemics slightly out of sync with ours.

What causes Expectation overdoses is still a matter of debate among scientists, however the most recent instance of a small scale breakout of the epidemic was reported in Wellington in early July.

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