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New Zealanders to spend week in fetal position


With the news that the All Blacks will once again meet France in a Rugby World Cup quarter final match in Cardiff, thousands of New Zealanders have found themselves unable to function and are being found curled up in a fetal position crying “Richie loves me, Richie loves me.”

With the trauma of having Wayne Barnes rob 2007 Rugby World Cup quarter final from the All Blacks fresh in their mind, All Blacks fans have been unable to cope with facing their French tormentors in yet another knock out game.

“Anyone but France, fucking anyone but France,” cried Cameron Webster of Wellington while rocking back and forth in a ball. “The nerves man, they’re just not made for this kind of shit.”

“If Wayne Barnes is drawn as the ref, I’m out man. Game over man, game over man. Ain’t never going to watch no more rugby.”

For their part, several All Blacks were reportedly hauled off a flight back to New Zealand at Heathrow, following rumours that the team were also struggling to come to terms with their imminent departure from the tournament.

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