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Wallabies refuse to acknowledge existence of New Zealand as a country

Cheika

Following on from their refusal to refer to the All Blacks by name, the Wallabies have gone one step further and are now denying that the country of New Zealand exists and they are already world champions.

“Obviously we’ve filed a complaint with World Rugby over the fact that the team we’re playing this weekend is claiming to come from a country that doesn’t even exist,” said Wallabies coach Michael Cheika at a press conference a Twickenham this morning. “We’ve seen the Facebook page ‘Does New Zealand exist?’ and between that and the lack of this alleged country appearing on most world maps, we’re pretty sure they shouldn’t even be at the World Cup.”

Cheika added, “If that’s indeed the case, that New Zealand is actually just a fictional country created for the purpose of Hollywood marketing, then we’re obviously already world champions.”

Subsequent to Cheika’s announcement that New Zealand does not exist, the Australian Rugby Union has gone through its social media channels and deleted any posts that refer to either the All Blacks or New Zealand. A statement from the ARU simple said: “We don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s no such country and, if there were several inhabited islands somewhere off the coast of Australia, then surely they’d appear on more maps.”

For their part the All Blacks weren’t phased by the Wallabies refusal to acknowledge either their or New Zealand’s existence.

“The fact they can even read enough to understand place names on a map is a pretty amazing achievement for a bunch of convicts,” said All Blacks’ coach Steve Hansen.

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