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Blues: Sonny Bill a perfect match for our over-rated, under-achieving culture

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Auckland Blues’ coach Tana Umaga has welcomed the announcement that hype-machine Sonny Bill Williams will be playing for his team in next year’s Super Rugby competition, highlighting the fact that Williams was a “perfect match for the Blues over-rated, under-achieving culture.”

“When you look at all the potential and hype surrounding the Blues each year, and compare that with Sonny Bill Williams, you’ll find the two are very similar,” said Umaga at today’s press conference in Auckland. “So it was only natural that Sonny Bill would want to align himself with the Blues so that we can let down the country and Auckland together.”

For his part, Williams said that he was excited by the opportunity to be part of a side that fails to live up to the immense talent at its disposal, “I really feel like I’ll be right at home here,” Williams said. “Ultimately, the Blues are a great parallel for how my rugby career has failed to ignite despite my massive athletic ability and natural ball skills.”

Williams also added that he finds it “comforting that the Blues switch coaches nearly as often as I switch codes.”

Tana Umaga “I can’t do any worse than the last Blue’s coach”

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While the resignation of Auckland Blue’s coach Sir John Kirwan has left the Board fuming that they weren’t able to sack him, the lead contender to replace Kirwan at the Blues, Tana Umaga, has admitted that there’s little chance he could do any worse than Sir John.

Umaga, who was approached for comment watching a Counties club game, admitted that that he was reluctant to take on the Blues coaching role, but conceded that he couldn’t do worse than Sir John Kirwan’s failed reign.

“Yeah, I can’t do any worse than the last Blue’s coach,” Umaga said. “Not even John Mitchell could do worse than that. I mean, Kirwan’s tenure was seriously bad wasn’t it?”

“They’ve got the largest catchment of any New Zealand franchise, but haven’t done anything noteworthy since that 2003 title. They signed Benji Marshall who had barely any rugby career ahead of them, they couldn’t hang onto Ma’a Nonu. I’ll be taking my 10-foot barge pole with me for sure if I sign up.”

For their part, the Blues Board are said to be fuming that Kirwan resigned before he could be sacked. “We were secretly hoping that Kirwan would try and stick around, then the Board could show we’re actually capable of making a decision and sack him,” said CEO Andy Dalton. “However now he’s left on his own accord, people will just continue to assume we’re all inept at our jobs, which isn’t entirely inaccurate judging by the omnishambles over the past few years on the field.”